So it’s nearing the end of November, and from what I understand, it is Men’s Mental Health Awareness month (for some reason I thought was JUNE!), but I’d like to talk about something that’s not exactly a mental illness but I do imagine that it is a mental struggle that hardly anyone talks about. I want to emphasize this as well. This is written from experience and opinions of my own understanding of this issue. I just wanted to make that clear from what you are about to read. In this post, I only speak for myself and no one else because I know that everyone deals with something like this differently than I do.

Mental health is one of the biggest struggles there are. That’s one of the few things that I’m grateful for in this generation, taking your mental health seriously. 20 years ago, you couldn’t do that when you’re struggling with something serious. You would have to deal with it yourself, suffer in silence, and move on. That was the mentality back then when I was growing up, or other as what’s commonly known is “pussy shit”. I get it. It’s a struggle, and I am no stranger to struggle. I grew up poor with a drug addicted parent who set my family so far back from progress in so many ways that I just learned to get hit by life and not complain about it. Not only that, I did not have anyone who I trusted or was not comfortable talking to at the time, and by doing so, I developed the blessing and also the very much curse of overthinking.

In the course of my lifetime, I always had to be two steps ahead of everything. This is where overthinking has benefited me. Thinking about the situation that has been presented to me or an offer from a friend or a business co-worker that is too good to be true. These are examples of how overthinking can help someone not get into a shit storm of trouble. I have never been an impulsive type of person because I have seen at a very young age what damage impulsiveness can potentially do to someone’s life. It can either make it or destroy it, and I never wanted to take that chance because I always thought about the bigger picture because I was brought up in a world of chaos. When someone is born into a world of chaos, the only thing I want to accomplish as I get older is stability. Stability is a wide term, and I’m not only talking about financial stability, I mean social stability and mental stability. Those were the things I strive for most of my life, and it kept me out of some many situations that could have put my life in a whole different direction. For me, it was always about the bigger picture, and as a result of my overthinking mindset, I’ve become what most people would call The Lone Wolf where I grew up. I have always been comfortable being the loner because, to me, that felt like the ultimate freedom of the mind. I was surrounded by people who were examples of what not to do or to become, and for all that, this is where overthinking has benefited my life in a good way.

Like I said before, overthinking is a blessing and a curse. Just like there are two sides to the coin. You have to take the good with the bad, and my biggest struggle with any situation that I have been in that was beyond my control was trying to stay positive through it. Growing up in a world of chaos, not only do you develop a sense of what not to do, but you become severely detached from people and anti-social, even people who would like to help and then you overthink that and ask yourself, “why the fuck do you want to help me? You don’t know me, ” and that came from a lack of trust with people and become very selective on who you can trust and that is if I could trust anyone at all because of the the damage that has been endured in the past. As much as I wanted to believe at the time that people are inherently good and mean well. I just kept being proven wrong. You know that feeling in your gut when you meet someone and something does not sit right and keep overthinking everything, and then eventually you are proven right. That has to be one of the worst feelings that anyone can ever have. Not only was your overthinking proven right, but you didn’t trust your instincts when the red flags were already raised and gave that individual the benefit of the doubt and when all that falls apart whether it was involving a former friend or a relationship, everyone’s resolution was to say “stay positive” which was really not easy for me to do. Even at a certain extent now.

I know people mean well when they say to stay positive, but when the world has shown you its ugliness at a very young age, your brain is not wired for positivity, it is wired for survival and the inability to be vulnerable with people because of past struggles and certain situations. Having an overthinking mindset is the struggle that no one speaks about because we sometimes take the phrase staying positive as a delusion because the last thing we want to do is lie to ourselves and we just want the current struggle to end, take the nessacery actions and just move on from it. I couldn’t understand how someone could remain positive through turmoil situations, but luckily for me, I had an outlet to deal with my anger and frustration through writing and my love for music because I came from a town where the majority of people who came from that background have turn to drugs, ending up in jail or even dead and there is no way I was going to live my life like that no matter how bad things had gotten.

My struggle with positivity due to my overthinking was also a result of me being a realist. I always thought about the most realistic conclusion because I had realized at a young age that the world is not your friend. It doesn’t care about your feelings, and therefore, my brain is wired to survive by instinct and deeply think before I act.

Don’t get me wrong, I now have some great people in my life, and I am eternally grateful for who has helped me through my journey to heal and help me put my guard down a bit more to give people a fair chance but at the same time, stay vigilant. Just because someone is a nice person and respectful, do not mistake that for weakness and people will mistake that for weakness and has happened before and I’m sure it will happen again at some point, but don’t let that block the progress you have made to get to a better mental state and I know this personally because I still need to remember this for myself. Staying in your head too long can be a dangerous place to be, and I know this from experience. The best thing to do is focus on things like to do that aren’t self-destructive. Be creative. Remember the things that you loved to do at a certain point before adult life became too hectic, like how it happens for all of us. A musician named Wednesday 13 said on a podcast, “What made you happy before you found alcohol?”. I never struggled with alcohol but I understood the concept. When I heard that, I found that I remembered my love for writing, which is why I started this blog. Use my overthinking issue as a creative outlet, and I love every minute of it.

Remember, anyone who is struggling with this issue. From one person to another. Just know that you’re not alone. Just do a deep dive in what you loved to do in your earlier life and get creative with it because we all need something to get by in this world. If you find it difficult to find out what that is, seek out some therapy or talk to a person you trust. I know doing that is difficult as it is because I understand opening up to anyone can be intimidating, but focus on the bigger picture of taking care of yourself and what doors that could potentially open for something great in your life. For Men’s Mental Health Month, hang in there because I am there right with you. Keep your head up and push through it.

Thanks for reading.