A Month of Reflection: Facing the Real Problem… Me

This past month has been a whirlwind of emotions, realizations, and hard truths. It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve come to a stark and sobering conclusion: the problem wasn’t my job, my finances, my family, or whatever I thought was the problem at the time and whatever or whoever I was angry and resentful with. The problem was me. And now, I’m ready to fix it. I have to fix it.

Dealing with Unhappiness

For months, I felt trapped in a cycle of dissatisfaction. Everything seemed like it was falling apart. My job felt unfulfilling, my financial worries weighed on me, and my relationships felt distant and strained. I blamed these external factors for my unhappiness, believing that if just one thing changed, everything would fall into place.

But as the days went by, I started to notice a pattern. The unhappiness wasn’t caused by my circumstances—it was coming from within me. No matter how much I tried to shift the blame, the same feelings of discontent resurfaced. I realized I wasn’t unhappy because of my situation. I was unhappy because I wasn’t dealing with my own internal struggles.

Wrestling with Pride

I have always said that pride was a mind killer, and it was slowly killing me. One of the hardest pills to swallow was admitting that my pride was getting in the way. I’ve always seen myself as strong and capable, someone who doesn’t need help. But that pride became a barrier, keeping me from acknowledging my flaws and asking for support when I needed it most.

Pride made it hard to admit that I was wrong. It made me defensive when people offered feedback or advice. But worst of all, it kept me stuck in my own head, convinced that I had to navigate my struggles alone. Letting go of that pride is something I’m still working on, but acknowledging it is the first step and acknowledging my support system and allowing the people who I care about most to help me when I need it.

The Overthinking Spiral

If there’s one thing I’ve truly mastered, it’s overthinking. I can take the smallest situation and turn it into a full-blown catastrophe in my mind. This habit has been my constant companion, feeding my negativity and clouding my judgment. Making impulsive decisions that I soon later regret.

Overthinking convinced me that everything in my life was worse than it really was. It made me nitpick every interaction, every decision, every detail, until all I could see were problems. But the truth is, my life isn’t as bad as I made it out to be. I was amplifying issues that didn’t need to exist. Wasting time and energy on the false negativity that my brain had conjured up instead of seeing what was right in front of me and what in front of me was not bad at all.

The Realization

One day, after spiraling into yet another pit of negativity, it hit me: the common denominator in all these struggles was me. My job at the time wasn’t the problem. My finances weren’t the problem. My family wasn’t the problem. The problem was my mindset, my reactions, and the way I was choosing to see the world. That realization was both humbling and empowering. It was humbling to admit that I was the cause of my own unhappiness, but it was also empowering to realize that I could change it. I have to change it.

The Path Forward

Fixing this problem won’t happen overnight, but I’m committed to the process. Here’s what I’m focusing on:

I. Practicing Gratitude
Instead of dwelling on what’s wrong, I’m choosing to focus on what’s right. Every day, I’m finding small moments to be thankful for, whether it’s a kind word from a friend or a quiet moment to myself. Life is full of small victories.


II. Letting Go of Pride
I’m learning to accept help, to admit when I’m wrong, and to take constructive criticism without defensiveness. Humility is becoming my new outlook and the times I embraced humility, I was always happy with my life.


III. Quieting the Overthinking
When I catch myself spiraling into overthinking, I’m making a conscious effort to pause, breathe, and redirect my thoughts. Not everything needs to be dissected.


IV. Choosing Positivity
Life isn’t perfect, but it doesn’t have to be. I’m working on finding joy in the imperfections and embracing the messiness of it all.

All these things are new territory for me, but I’m willing to take the jump and put in the work.

Final Thoughts

This last month has been a reflection of myself—my flaws, my fears, and my ability to grow. I’ve realized that I’ve been my own biggest obstacle, but I’ve also realized that I have the power to change that. I know the journey ahead won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Because for the first time in a long time, I’m not running from the problem. I’m facing it head-on. And that problem is me. Sometimes I think to myself that I convince myself that it is too late to change because I’m in my late 30s but in reality, it is never too late to change for the better. If lifelong drug addicts and alcoholics can do it in their 40s, 50s or even their 60s. Then I can still do it while I’m young enough.

This is my commitment to myself: to grow, to change, and to be better—not for anyone else, but for me.