A reflection of life at the age of 37

Last month, I had my 38th birthday, and for some reason, I wasn’t feeling too good about it. It wasn’t that I was feeling depressed or anything of the sort it was more of a state of uncertainty than anything else. There are some points in life where you seem like your stuck in a constant cycle of monotony and not that there is anything wrong with that but you feel this deep thought in the back of your head and the the feeling in bottom of your gut that you should be doing more to make yourself happy but the road block your stuck at is that you don’t know where to start. That is where I have been to a certain point, and I am sure that a big part of that uncertainty is having an overthinking brain and having that kind of personally trait can be a blessing as well as a curse.

At 37, I feel caught between where I thought I would be and where I am. In my 20s, 37 seemed so far away, an age where I assumed I’d have it all figured out. Career, relationships, a clear sense of purpose. Yet, here I am, still navigating, still questioning. I don’t have all the answers, and some days I’m not even sure of the questions. There’s this quiet pressure that comes with getting older. You’re expected to have a direction, a path that feels intentional. But the truth is, I’m not always sure what’s next. Will I stay on this current road, or should I make a bold turn toward something new? And if I do, is it too late to change? It’s easy to feel stuck between the past and an uncertain future, and I feel that is my biggest problem.

Nostalgia for What’s Behind…

As I reflect on the years leading up to this point, nostalgia creeps in. The older I get, the more I realize how fleeting certain moments were the carefree days of my early 20s, the energy and optimism of my 30s. It’s not that I want to go back, but there’s a bittersweet longing for the simplicity of those times, before life’s responsibilities weighed as heavily as they do now. Nostalgia isn’t just about missing the past; it’s also about recognizing that time moves on whether we’re ready or not. I think back to the dreams I had when I was younger, some that I’ve achieved, others that I’ve let go of or shelved for another day and sometimes “another day” never comes and that was due to my own faults. And now, I wonder, is it time to chase those dreams again, or have they shifted into something else entirely?

The Future: An Open Road or Uncharted Territory?

Looking ahead, the future feels like both an open road and uncharted territory. I’m no longer at the beginning of my adult life, yet there’s still so much ahead. The problem is, the further I go, the more I realize how unpredictable life can be. There’s excitement in that, sure, but also some fear. What if I make the wrong decisions? What if I don’t live up to the expectations I’ve placed on myself? The overthinking on this is maddening. But maybe that’s the beauty of this age is understanding that it’s okay not to have everything figured out. Life doesn’t come with a manual, and at 37, I’ve learned that sometimes the best moments come from unexpected detours. The uncertainty I feel isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a reminder that I’m still growing, still evolving.

Embracing the Now

As much as I ponder the past and future, I’m learning to embrace the now. The nostalgia and uncertainty remind me to appreciate what I have and who I am today. There’s a richness in being at this middle point, old enough to know myself better but young enough to still take chances. At 37, I’m giving myself permission to reflect, question, and not rush the answers. Life will unfold in its own time. For now, I’ll continue to honor the past, dream about the future, but most importantly, live in the present. Because this, too, is a chapter worth savoring.

So many people in my life tell me that I need to relax more. I need to enjoy life more, and you know what? That’s EXACTLY what I am going to fucking do! Be ready for the unknown of whatever comes my way and embracing the experience that comes with it. I’ve been in my shell way too long. It’s time to break out of it and enjoy life and where I am right here, right now!

See you next year for the reflection of the year at age 38.